Rambling Introduction!!!

I have so many thoughts going through my head I don’t know what to write so I thought I would start with the basics. Also some housekeeping I am not the best speller and most of my posts will be rambling and a bit ranty (I don’t know if that is an actual word I like to make words up occasionally).

I am 27 and very nearly 28 and I have been married for 14 months and I want to have my own family.  I look at posts on Facebook and am insanely jealous of everyone who has children or pregnant!!

 We have been trying to conceive on and off for 3 years (took some time off to get into a wedding dress) and no such luck on the baby front.  The 18 months leading up the  wedding I lost about 2 and a half stone and fitted in my dream dress and felt like a princess however, 2 weeks on honeymoon and not really taking any thought into what I am eating I have put on the 2 and a half stone and plus some in a year.

 

I always knew I was going to have a struggle getting pregnant as I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 and was partly the reason for trying for a baby earlier than if I hadn’t known.  I have always been heavy from the moment I hit puberty. I ballooned and from then my weight has gone up and down and now I am the heaviest I have ever been and I know this has now got to change.

 

My husband is incredibly supportive and will listen to my rants of not finding anything to wear and chucking all my clothes on the floor and having rants about how another person is having a baby I am starting to annoy myself so no idea how bored he is of it. (And breathe)  He has always wanted a family of his own and being the baby of a fairly big family has watched his siblings becoming parents and constantly gets asked “when will I get another niece or nephew?” and the “next time it will be you mate”.  I feel so bad not being able to give him the family he so desperately wants my crappy yoyo weight and rubbish reproductive system makes me so frustrated and I sometimes think about maybe he would be better off with a less baron wife?

I’m guessing most women would talk to their mothers about their problems but my mum isn’t at all supportive or maternal towards me or my sister.

So I think the reason I am writing this in a blog is that I need to get my thoughts out of my head and I don’t want to burden my friends  who have their own family’s and problems. I also don’t want to tell any of my family that I’m dieting because I can already hear the negative comments of “oh yeah ok another diet” or “we will see how this will turn out” or even worse the look and eye rolling.  I have tried loads of diets and the one that actually worked that I did pre-wedding was weight watchers so 2 weeks ago I signed up for the 3 months for £30 and its surprisingly working I have lost 5lbs already yay!!

 However, I’m feeling rubbish today as yet another friend has announced there pregnant and I can’t help but question why isn’t it our turn? What are we doing wrong? I wish I was one of those women whose husband only has to look at his wife and BAM 9 months later their parents (if only that happened right?)

 I know I am not the only woman who is going through this but sometimes we all need a moment of selfishness wishing it was now our time……